Say goodbye to everything you love

Letter to Lucas

Dear Lucas,

Following our bike ride through the woods the other week, I’ve been thinking about what we discussed and how it's changed the way I think about financial planning. In particular, after the ride, while enjoying a pie and a pint at the pub, you shared your concern that, to some extent, while your kids are young your life is on hold.

Whilst you can find truth in this statement if you look for it (in terms of career progression, in terms of exotic holiday destinations, in terms of free time to pursue personal hobbies, in terms of rest and relaxation), I don’t think this is a helpful way of describing your situation (or mine for that matter) of being a father to young children.

I completely empathise, as, indeed, we’ve all been there in one form or another.

And I know you are one of the best and most loving and most conscientious fathers out there so I know that in no way will you not be doing your absolute best for your kids.

But we have to remember that words are powerful. Indeed, the phrase “words are weapons” comes to mind. And the greatest power that words have over us is in terms of the stories we tell ourselves about our lives.

Therefore, I want to attempt to see if I can shift your perspective. Rather than thinking that life is on hold, remind yourself that your children are slipping away from you.

The philosopher Epictetus said that when you kiss your kids good night, imagine that they could die in the night and this could be the last time you see them.

Now that’s an extreme way of looking at it, but it gets your attention.

I’m fascinated by the concept of “18 summers” as written about in the book The Family Board Meeting, by Jim Sheils, whereby, the author explains that, if you’re lucky, you’ve got 18 summers with your kids before they are adults and they then probably no longer want to go on holiday with you.

How does this relate to financial planning?

Well, let me tell you. Indeed, how am I doing my own financial planning?

Life occurs in stages, in seasons. The life stage I’m at now where my kids are young is all about me providing for them. Yes, I’m paying into my pension and paying my life insurance and critical illness and private medical insurance and as well as the pension I’m doing what I can to tuck a little away in a rainy day fund.

But whereas I know others my age are racing to pay off their mortgage early or looking to double the size of their business over the next few years, or spending money on getting bigger houses or faster cars, I’m focusing any spare capital I have on time and experiences with my kids, because my eldest is already 8, so if I’m lucky we have 10 more summer holidays together. Maybe less.

(But I’m secretly hoping, if these next 10 years go well then maybe when he’s 21 I’ll still be able to tempt him to go on a trip with me if it’s something cool like skiing or whitewater rafting.)

I don’t know.

But the point is, life isn’t on hold.

Life is precious and if we’re not careful it slips through our fingers.

Financial planning done properly can help keep you aligned with the life you want to live. But alone you cannot do it. Life is too busy. Human nature left to its own devises gets distracted and thrown off course. Without help it’s not easy to draft a plan or stick to it. You need a trusted Partner to help you.